40-year-old Tadeus Konopizc, from Zakopane Poland, cut off his own penis and testicles with a 6 inch kitchen knife in a drunken rage after his wife left him. He had reportedly consumed multiple bottles of vodka.

In spite of his pain, the man was able to call doctors. He described what he had done and begged for help. Paramedics were dispatched, who in turn called for a helicopter to transfer him to a specialist hospital.

Unfortunately for the man, the helicopter was held up by heavy fog; when he reached the hospital it was too late to reattach his genitalia. Surgeons will now attempt to surgically rebuild what he severed using tissue from elsewhere on his body.

Goosey's Gabbings...

Well, we finally found Lorena Bobbitt's dream man.

In other news, evidently George Dickel Tennessee Whiskey is capitalizing off this story with a new slogan: "Drink Dickel, Don't Cut yours off."